Marc Spitz

was entertaining out loud the possibility of getting out of new york for good. even saying it was strange. of course what i suggested was getting a cabin in the woods in new hampshire, maybe a goat on a stick and a shotgun. and an ibm seletric. i have a desktop full of writing projects, most of them novels that i might have had a chance of selling five years ago and plays that i will never get produced. i might as well just finish them. live on pork and beans until the economy improves, then come down from my mountain or hill and see what’s left of new york city (do they have mountains and hills in new hampshire)? at what point do you admit nyc defeat. that’s a good idea for a story. i’m trying to pitch stuff today. i haven’t even stopped and like… thought of any fucking magazine ideas lately. not for months. i used to have at least two things going on the pot, one for uncut in england and one for someone here. now i got nothin’. finished a story for maxim. an oral history of jackass that’s coming out in the fall. but blank as a fart now. spent all summer finishing this book that i actually have sold (not a novel… or a collection of dirty plays with dated pop cultural references). the writing and reading is done, and now the interviews start. so while i’m doing this…
FAMOUS, OLD BRITISH PERSON WHO KNEW MICK JAGGER: Is it authorized?
ME: No, but it’s not a biography, it’s more like a cultural celebration. Don’t you find there are too many biographies.
FOBPWKMJ: But is Mick okay with it?
ME: I hope so. I don’t know. What I mean to say is that when it comes out, I am sure he will be okay with it. There’s nothing in it that – I’m not saying he’s a – bad person. It’s not pro-Mick. Nor is it anti-Keith. That’s my mom calling me for dinner.
FOBPWKMJ: I’ve been burned before by you lot.
ME: Yes, we are terrible and desperate people. So, are we good?
FOBPWKMJ: Can I read some of your previous books?
ME: Yes, while varying in quality, and unappealing to the masses, they are all still in print. If you have a penny, you can purchase the paperbacks on amazon.com.
FOBPWKMJ: Ah, brilliant. One last thing, please finish this sentence for me -
ME: – , okay.
…i might as well be writing smaller things and resuming my storied career as drunken, surly journo.